R.I.P Gossip Girl: The Finale XOXO

It's been a long and bumpy road, and the final two seasons have been less of a road and more of a terrifying descent down a roadless cliff into badly written story lines, poor acting, and things that just don't make sense. Like my above metaphor. Season 6 has been especially bad. Don't believe me? Take a look at this gem of a scene from last week's episode: 

This scene had me staring at my computer in confusion for a while, wandering if someone had gone out of their way to make an incredibly convincing parody of Gossip Girl. How did he get from standing on the roof to hanging off the edge in less than a second? Who knows. What is with the music? Who knows. Is it a joke? Sadly, probably not, but then again, who knows. Only the writers of the show, and probably not even them. Let's have a look at the final episode. 

CHAIR'S WEDDING

The episode begins with a song comparing Blair and Chuck to Bonnie and Clyde. Cool. They run off into hiding, get found by Uncle Jack (always jokes) and then get told if they get MARRIED, they can escape a MURDER CHARGE because Blair can't testify against Chuck. Hmmmm. Sure. Let's suspend our disbelief, its the final episode. So Blair and Chuck get married. Yeyyy! And then they get arrested! Noooo! (But remember, this is Gossip Girl, so it will be resolved in about 3 seconds). 

I love these outfits, especially Blair's dress. So much better than the dress she wore to marry the expressionless, sugar-wouldn't-melt-turns-evil Louis. I'm not entirely sure why Sage, Nate's 16 year old concubine, was at the wedding, but never mind. Blair and Chuck rock up at Blair's apartment 5 minutes later, with little explanation, but both looking very relaxed and happy and not at all like they just got hauled into jail to be questioned for killing someone. Ah, the Upper East Side. 

GOSSIP GIRL

So this was the finale's big reveal. Gossip Girl. The disembodied voice of Kirsten Bell. Kirsten Bell was actually in this episode pretending to auditioning for Dan's movie, which I thought was funny. Not Dan's movie, which won't be funny because he is a terrible writer, but the fact they used Kirsten Bell like that. She then broke the 4th wall by winking at the camera, letting everyone know the Gossip Girl writers had well and truly let go of the reigns and anything could now happen. Was it all a dream? Also featuring cameos was the New York major, and loads of past characters such as Vanessa (hisssss), Juliet, and Jenny's fashion model friend, which seemed a bit of a poor cameo, but I enjoyed all the rest. 

So Gossip Girl is....DAN!!!!!!

Gossip Girl is not Dan. The writers decided at the last minute they needed a Gossip Girl, and made it Dan. Want to know why Gossip Girl cannot be Dan? It can be explained in just about every episode in the past 6 years that features a Gossip Girl blast concerning Dan, notable ones being where Gossip Girl posts Dan slept with a teacher and he nearly got expelled, or when Gossip Girl posts that him and Serena share a sibling (remember him? I think he must have died, because I can think of no other explanation to why Rufus or Lily haven't mentioned or visited their love child in the past 3 years, or why he wasn't at Dan's own wedding). Anyway, here is the Gossip Girl writers attempt to explain it: 

Whatever, I'm going to pretend this didn't happen. 

Oh, I forgot about Nate's storyline: Nate tries to find who Gossip Girl is to save his newspaper, but it is Nate so he can't because he can't do anything, so Dan tells him he is Gossip Girl and Nate's newspaper gets saved. As usual, the Nate Archibald part of the episode can be summarised in 2 lines. If he wasn't so hot, I am convinced they would have written him out 3 years ago when Serena dumped him, and thus when his function as a character that actually matters and helps move the plot along was over. 

5 YEARS IN THE FUTURE

We are now 5 years in the future. How very O.C., but I liked it.

Nate:  Nate is running for Major. Lol? 1) Didn't they always try and stress how stupid Nate was? 2) Remember when he had a hissy fit when he had to do an internship at the Major's office? Didn't seem to be a future he relished or even remotely liked 3) Most importantly, can a 25 year old who never finished college (Well, I assumed none of them finished college, seen as it was a plot line for a year, and then never again mentioned), was a prostitute, has a dad that was arrested for fraud and got arrested for fraud himself really run for major? Although, I guess his grandfather does basically control the world, so it could  be feasible. Anyway, he has a plane with 'The Spectator' written on it, so we all know New York's worst newspaper is still alive and kicking. At least Elizabeth Hurley is gone. 

Chair (Blair and Chuck):

One picture: 

One word: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!

Meet Henry Bass! Chuck and Blair's son! That she had when she was....22? Never mind, he is in a bow tie! A bow tie that matches Chuck's bow tie! And it's so cute! And it's by far my favourite part of the entire episode and probably the last 3 seasons! Blair and Chuck live in a cool house that is surprisingly messy and Dorota is still there and it's all great, even though Blair still works in fashion which I don't think is realistic since she always wanted to be the next Donald Trump or something and was extremely mean about working in fashion but fine. As J.K.Rowling said, 'All was well'. And better than well, seen as their son is way cuter than Harry and Ginny's (in your face), and way way way WAY cuter than the monstrosities that were Ron and Hermione's children. 

Dan and Serena: Get married. Shudder. The two worst, meanest, most boring people in the entire world are now an official team. And Serena's wedding dress just proved that she is the worst, most attention seeking tool on the planet.

I mean, what the F is that? Who wears a golden wedding dress? 'I am a beautiful, shining star, and I must wear gold to reflect this'. Also, Dan's hair. Haha. And Eric and Jenny are back! Eric has a weird beard, and Jenny looks, as usual, like a starving evil raccoon wearing a blonde wig made of straw. Oh also, Lily is back with William because of an incredibly boring 3 minute plot line in the episode involving Ivy Dickens which I didn't understand (It did feature one funny line, where William called Ivy 'queen of the swamp people'. RAWWW get your claws out Daddy Van Der Woodsen!). Rufus is with Lisa Loeb, who I have never heard of, but many other people have heard of, so cool. Jack is with Georgina. What happened to her husband Philip and her child-who-was-once-Dan's-fake-child Milo? Who knows. 

Goodbye, Gossip Girl! You provided me with so much amusement over the years (except you, Vanessa), and I will miss you. But I think we both know it's best that you let go now and pass into the void. Except you, Chuck Bass. 

XOXO

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (Into a Film I Thought I Would Hate But I Didn't)

I fear I have given too much away in the title. My first review will be of The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, because I saw it last night for free (thanks dad) and it may be a while before I get to visit the cinema again due to the Camden Odeon's ridiculously inflated prices (rant over; I promise this will not become a consistent theme). So, The Hobbit. I am a MASSIVE Lord of the Rings fan (for two reasons, see below)...

...so I was a bit wary when I heard Peter Jackson was going to be making The Hobbit. My wariness went into full on disbelief and scepticism when I heard he was going to be making the book (which is what, 200 pages?) into THREE FILMS. THREE FILMS which will no doubt be compared to the THREE FILMS of the LOTR, which made sense to be in THREE FILMS because there are THREE BOOKS and not ONE BOOK which is shorter than any of the books in the LOTR series anyway. Arghh! However, I was proved (kind of) wrong. The Hobbit is good! Very Good! Jackson, you did it again, you genius! (kind of).

BAD POINTS:

• No dwarf character development: Dwarf blends into dwarf blends into dwarf (with the example of the Legolas dwarf and the Richard Armitage dwarf). At the end of the first LOTR film, I was very sad when Borimir died, even if he was a bit of a tool. If any of the dwarves, save the two named above, had died at the end of this film, I wouldn't have cared at all / would have laughed (if it was the fat one, who had no lines and was pointless, and let's face it, if he was that fat he wouldn't have been able to keep up with them on their unexpected journey, and who I hated). 
• TOO LONG: Way too long. Felt like 4 hours. Took an hour for Bilbo to leave The Shire. But, let's face it, this is always going to happen with a Jackson film, and I didn't get bored or restless in the cinema. Point is, there was alot of stuff they could have cut out, and it wouldn't have mattered to the plot or tone of the film.
• It looks animated: A New York film critic wanted it to be put forward to win an award as best animated film. Haha. I agree. God knows what kind of technological fiddling they did with the exposure, but it made for a very confusing viewing experience. Wait, is this animated? Is that a cartoon character dwarf? No, because Gandalf looks exactly the same...But now its animated again! Is this a mixture of cartoon characters and normal characters? Are the normal characters in a cartoon setting? Is this a playstation game? What is going on?!? Particularly bad was the 'Goblin King'. I didn't see it in 3D, but it has being described to me as a 'roller coaster', eg. brightly coloured fantasy nightmare. 
• There is no way these two dwarfs are the same race: 

I

I'm sorry, no. You cannot make up what dwarfs look like as you go along. The one on the left is the Suprisingly-good-looking-Legolas dwarf I mentioned earlier, the one on the right is...I don't know. But not the same race as the other one. Don't even get me started on what James Nesbitt looks like. 

NOW FOR THE GOOD POINTS. 

• Gollum: I had heard before I went that the Bilbo-Gollum scene was the highlight of the film, and I wasn't disappointed. I guess because he still has the ring, he is a lot funnier than in the LOTR. Sometimes during the course of the film I wanted to take Gollum home and keep him as a pet. Despite this, he still manages to be very, very scary. Well played, Andy Serkis.  
• Gandalf: He beheads an orc with a stick. Haha. 
• Martin Freeman: Always makes me laugh how much his name sounds like Morgan Freeman's. 

Bilbo? 

Anyway, Martin Freeman was great. Very very funny, and very likeable towards the end. Much more fun than Frodo, the snivelling pansy man child. 

• Haunting Dwarf Mountain Song in Hobbit Hole. 
• Frodo: It was great to see Frodo, only because I hate Frodo, so it was fun knowing what lies in wait in his future when he was merrily skipping towards the forest to meet Gandalf (which, incidentally, was a clever way to tie it in to the LOTR). Enjoy the ring, the ring wraiths, Moria, seeing Gandalf die, almost letting Sam drown, Gollum, the spider, your own weakening self-will, the fire of Mount Doom, and having your finger bitten off Frodo.  

Hehe. 

• Landscape: Beautiful, epic, enchanting, adjective adjective adjective. You will be blown away by it. 

Overall, I was surprised with how much I enjoyed the film. Its no LOTR, but for an adaption of a kid's book, and with LOTR to live up to, its great. Still not sure how he is going to drag it into three films though, but I guess we will have to wait and see. 

And Here We.....GO

So it begins.

A word of warning. So, why have I started this blog? Maybe to give my numerous (84) twitter followers a rest from my continuous reviews of Gossip Girl. Maybe because I know my twitter followers want my reviews to be longer, angrier, and embellished with pictures (I know my twitter followers don't want this). Why am I mentioning my twitter followers so much? They won't be mentioned again. Anyway. Maybe this blog is just because I feel like it. Whatever reason, its going to be GREAT. I watch a lot of American TV series, so sorry in advance. I'll try cover as much as I can, including latest film releases, and if you have any TV suggestions throw them my way. So welcome to my TV and Film reviews!