New Girl S02 E17: Parking Spot (Or, The Many Faces Of Schmidt)

New Girl is pretty good at avoiding typical sitcom clichés, and this episode managed to continue to do that, as it both tackled the still lingering issue of Nick and Jess's kiss and also managed to be hilarious. My favourite episode for a while. There were two very distinct story lines, so I'm just going to tackle them one at a time. With the least important one last. Yes, the least important one does involve Winston. 

PARKING-SPOT-INDUCES-KISS-AWKWARDNESS

I'm not feeling the most titularly creative. The episode opens with Nick and Jess brushing their teeth. They are talking about how non-awkward it is they kissed. Sub text: it is extremely awkward. Schmidt comes in yelling that they have found out their flat has a parking space. Schmidt argues he deserves it. Jess plays the 'woman' card, Winston the 'race' card, Nick the 'lazy drunk' card. Winston quickly gives up and runs off on his own little sex adventure, documented below. Nick gives up. Jess v. Schmidt! Yey! Change the dynamic, have Jess interact with someone other than Nick and Cece for a change. So Nick has to pick who gets the parking space. He refuses. Jess yells after him, 'you can't escape destiny, she comes for us all, that relentless BITCH!' Jess tries to seduce Nick to get the spot. She has apparently decided to attempt it as a 'sexy goth' who wears a hoodie:

Nick gives her the spot. He tries to hug her. She pinches his nipples and runs off. Random form of hug-prevention. Anywho, both this episode and the one before, I was scornfully wondering, 'Why didn't they bother to show Schmidt's reaction to the kiss? Lazy devils'. But no...Schmidt only finds out RIGHT NOW. 4 WEEKS LATER. Probably a week later in sit-come time. He guesses, because can detect 'the lust and filth...its like freaking TIJUANA'. Isn't that where Marissa overdosed in the OC? Flasback! Here are some angry faces Schmidt makes about the kiss:

Boy, is he massively and weirdly mad. Turns out it was all a scheme to get the parking space, because after he says, 'Nick, if Winston kissed me, you would have been the first person I told...but I guess your loyalty lies elsewhere', and gets the parking space, his face then changes to THIS:

Utmost glee! Jess tries to nipple pinch Schmidt, and is all, 'Where are your nipples, man?!' He responds, 'I'll never tell'. I love Schmidt in this episode. Nick freaks out and tries to claim the space himself, after having an odd gesture war about who is being 'weirder' with Jess. PARKING SPACE RACE. Nick's car is under some cardboard, and he offers kids $5 to help him clean it. 'Don't negotiate with me, I will not go above $6!' Jess get's called a 'wacky bitch' by an old man. Nick sits in the spot in a chair. Jess hits Schmidt's car with her car, which seems a bit of an overreaction. All 3 are now in the parking spot. Schmidt rants about how Nick, Schmidt and Coach (remember him?) took a 'No Nail Oath' about Jess. Things take a serious turn next, when Jess calls Nick a 'coward' because he won't back her up. Schmidt hits on a hard truth: 'Why should he? Because he kissed, and now he owes you some sort of emotional support and loyalty?' OUCH...very true, he doesn't. Shcmidt then ruins it by saying 'bitches be crazy' and cackling like a gremlin. Nick goes on a rant about how he regrets the kiss, and Jess runs off. He runs after her. CUTE NICK AND JESS MOMENT. He says he couldn't help kissing her, she drops her fish sticks. It gets ruined by Schmidt. He reads the 'No Nail Oath': 'If one of us nails the said female, then all must nail her'. Hahahahahaha. Jess goes crazy. Schmidt wants to kiss Jess to make things 'normal'. He says, 'I'll be your hero'. The kiss goes horribly wrong, and thus concludes this review's recap of hilarious Schmidt faces:

They both yell 'mistake', and Schmidt admits he 'made it weirder'. Things cannot be resolved that easily, it seems!

WINSTON-CONDOM-YUM!

Winston actually made me laugh out loud. Yes, he had his own separate sub-plot again, and yes, it was about women and ridiculous sexual situations, but there was something about the way he sat screaming 'WHYYYY' on the ground I found very funny. PLOT SPOILER. Not really, it doesn't deserve the title of 'plot'. Maybe, 'comical digression'. DIGRESSION SPOILER. Basically, Winston wants to have sex with the girl, Daisy, he met two episodes ago. This has to be done very fast, as they are both super busy people. Also, Winston works nights, because he is a vampire. 

Just kidding, I can't actually remember why he works nights. Winston forgets a condom. Daisy is like, 'whaaaaat? get one right now. Bitch.' She is a sassy one. Winston runs to a drug store (how American of me. 'Pharmacist'.). He forgot his wallet because he put on Daisy's pants. They say 'YUM!' on the back in bright pink. It is funny. 

Winston gets thrown out the drug store. Winston runs to Cece's house. Cece is still doing the arranged marriage thing, apparently? With the annoying, overly English-accented, oh-look-how-splendid-my-punctuation-is-m'lord guy? Cece is kind of losing her place in the show, she isn't in it as much any more. Schmidt is her anchor, and she is drifting slowly away from him. Metaphor? What? Cece is also being a little sass monster (I'm loving the words 'sass' / 'sassy' at the moment, in case you haven't noticed), saying if Winston doesn't leave she will 'wring his neck'. Sure. Look how tiny your model arms are, Cece, before you go around making crazy statements like that. Winston is amusing in this scene. His story ends with him not being able to find Daisy's apartment, which is slightly unbelievable but fine, and him screaming 'WHYYYY' on the cold, cement, parking lot floor, complete with dramatic close up camera movements. 

It made me laugh out loud. I might actually like Winston now, or 'old Winny', as he calls himself.

The episode ends with Winston getting the parking space because of his failed sex adventure. Parking lots feature a lot in this episode. Is this a form of advertising? Is New Girl advertising parking lots now? Are parking lots the new 'Bing'? Anyway, all four actors (excluding Cece, seen as she was only on for about 15 seconds) were on top of their game, and the Nick / Jess situation was looked at in a way that managed to be both realistic, surprising and cute. New Girl is back on top form! Yey!