General Sex And The City Recap: 5 Reasons I Hate Carrie Bradshaw

This is a one off general review of the popular HBO show. I know I'm 10 years too late to the Sex And The City party, but I recently got told I was a 'Carrie', so I re-watched them. Turns out it is the worst insult I have ever had. I thought nothing and no one could be as bad as the nightmare-egotistical-self-entitled-slut-monster than is Serena Van Der Woodsen from Gossip Girl, but I was wrong. Carrie Bradshaw is THE WORST character on television. I like Miranda, Samantha makes me laugh, and I can tolerate Charlotte, but little CB (just realised she has my initials, kill me now) eclipses them all with her general awfulness. I get the writers were aiming at a flawed, funny, relatable leading character, but boy, here are 5 reasons I hate Carrie Bradshaw:

5) Her fashion.

I don't really know what was fashionable in the late '90s, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't any of these: 

Here we have: Slutty Oliver Twist, Prostitute Princess Party, Slutty Cowboy, Bohemian Nightmare.

I do like some of Carrie's outfits, it's more her utter self confidence she can pull off absolutely anything that annoys me. Also, what is with all the bra tops? I get she has nice abs, but she is 35 YEARS OLD. She dresses like a 7 year old child. Berger is my personal hero in relation to how much I dislike Carrie, first for the hilarious post-it breakup:

I like his hand writing. And secondly for this:

Carrie: Berger! We have to talk about these things! If I had made a mistake I would want you to tell me about it!

Berger: Oh yeah?......Nice hat.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

4) She is an awful, awful friend. 

Miranda: I'm single and pregnant with a bar tender's baby. 

Carrie: Oh yeah? That reminds me of the time Mr Big refused to introduce me to his mother. Let's talk about that again. 

Charlotte:  My husband is impotent. 

Carrie:  Oh yeah? I just had an affair with my married ex boyfriend. He wasn't impotent. Let's talk about that again. 

Samantha:  I have cancer.

Carrie:  Oh yeah? That reminds me of the time me and Mr Big were playing scrabble, and we spelled the word 'cancer'. He was then really mean to me. Let's talk about that again. 

That's basically how each of those scenarios went. EVERYTHING is turned right back around to be all about her. There is only ONE episode where Samantha and Miranda actually go, 'shut up'. One is not enough. I actually just watched one where Stanford (the colourful, bald gay man) goes 'Did you like my boyfriend?'. Carries response: 'I'm going to the bathroom. I can't believe Aiden hates me after I cheated on him'. AHHHHH. She also ACTS like an awful friend. When Miranda is lying paralysed on her bathroom floor, naked, Carrie sends Aiden. 

When Samantha get's diagnosed with breast cancer, she decides to move to Paris. Oh, and then there is the time she bullies Charlotte into giving her $30,000 because she had spent $45,000 on shoes. 

3) Her annoying characteristics in general. 

If I sound like I'm going mega bitch on her, bear with me here.

Her writing / constant punning. Here are the best ones:

• 'To be a couple, do you have to put your single self on a shelf?' (internal rhyme, 4/10).
• 'If I wanted a nap, I could have gone to Napa' (double use of the word 'nap', 3/10).
• 'Shaholla!' 'Okay, okay, you don't have to HOLLA'. (Shouting last part of the word, 1/10). 
• 'Charlotte doodled. With Harry, she jewdoodled'. (Racism, 1/10). 

Give this woman a noble prize! It's funny the first 5 times. By the way, how on earth does writing ONE COLUMN a WEEK keep her occupied? 

Her giggling / screaming / scooter riding. Self explained. 

2) Carrie and Mr Big

Mr Big is a selfish, self-obsessed man, but he is also quite funny and sexy. People hate on Mr Big for how badly he treats Carrie, but how about the fact she is a needy, obsessive nightmare when they are together? Like the time he didn't quite yet want to introduce yet another girlfriend to his ailing mother, so she STALKED him to a CHURCH and forced him to.

This episode culminates with her, his girlfriend of less than a year, emotionally hijacking him on the street and demanding, right there and then, he admits she is 'THE ONE'. To give him credit, he doesn't go running for the hills. But he refuses to say it. That makes him a monster. Also, why does she act so childish around him? She frequently dresses up in ridiculous outfits to try and grab his attention. My favourite was the candy striper one. 

35 years old? Me?

1) How she treats Aiden Shaw. 

I LOVE Aiden. He is so cute, so funny, so All-American, so kind, so handsome.

 Even when he was chubby with long hair I liked him. He also, for reasons completely unknown, ADORES Carrie. He fixes her computer, waxes her floors, buys her apartment for her, proposes to her, cooks for her, calls her his 'lady bug'. How does she respond? By

• Cheating on him. 
• Breaking his heart. 
• Tricking her into getting back with him. 
• Half-heartedly accepting his proposal.
• Refusing to wear the ring on her finger.
• Constantly bitching at him.
• Refusing to take him out to fancy club nights. 
• Constantly talking to the ex she cheated on him with. 
• INVITING THE EX SHE CHEATED ON HIM WITH TO HIS COUNTRY CABIN!!!!!!
• Breaking his heart AGAIN. 

Also, when asked to describe him, all she can manage is: 'He's very tall. He is kind'. Nice one, Miss Witty Writer. Aiden, you had a massively lucky escape. Here is an example of how adorable he is, even when angry, and how much of a nightmare she is:

No, Carrie. YOU just shut up. Please, please, just SHUT UP. Maybe Carrie Bradshaw and Serena Van Der Woodsen should both go in the Hunger Games, so we only have to deal with one of them running around New York.