Yowza! Did not see this one coming. After bitching last week about how New Girl is dragging out the Ness (Nick and Jess) love triangle for ages and will continue to do so with nothing actually happening, I've been proved totally and utterly wrong, because...THEY KISSED! But I'm jumping the gun (I don't understand that saying). Apart from the kiss, this episode wasn't that funny.
Trench coat is mean to Jess
This episode starts with Nick wearing a trench coat he received in the mail. He says, 'Look how handsome I look!' You DO look handsome, Nick! Don't let Jess and Winston (urgh) get you down! It gives him confidence, and makes him do this:
This strange arm gesture reminds me of the weird 'Kentucky-friend-chicken-and-a-pizza-hut' song everyone dances to, but after 20 years I still haven't learnt the words or understood why it is fun to do. I don't think they have that song in America (or do they...), so moving on. All the boys want to have sex, so decide to go on a big LAD'S NIGHT OUT. They are doing a lad dance in the bathroom, and Jess walks in and asks to come. Nick says no! It is really mean! Apparently Jess is his 'cooler' and stops him getting girls. I'm not sure I can accept 'cooler' as part of the New Girl vocabulary It was hard enough with 'pogo'. 'Cooler' makes an image of an actually cooler spring to mind.
So Jess gets upset and I'm pretty angry with Nick right now. Also, I didn't know Nick controlled Jess's movements now, whilst Schmidt and Winston stand in the background doing nothing. I expected this passive uselessness from you Winston, but Schmidt? Come on.
Strip true American
'Chirpsing' is a verb my male friends use when they are trying to flirt with girls (I don't know why), and it's the only verb I can think of that fits this situation. The boys are 'chirpsing' some girls at a bar. Winston stutters whenever he tries, because he 'wants sex too much'. Wow. Nick finds a girl who finds miserable guys attractive. Jess has made a creepy Nick doll. It's slightly odd. Why doesn't she make a Sam doll? Or a Cece doll?
She can hear scratching at her door, get's scared, and calls Nick. She thinks it might be gang related. 'I've always been worried about my blue curtains...Crips'. Haha. Nick agrees to go back, but he brings everyone with him. Nick doesn't find the Nick doll as scary as I would. They all play True American. What is this game??? Did I miss the episode that explains the rules? All I know is they jump around on chairs and tables, take off their clothes, and shout phrases like 'Abu Nazir!' and 'I'm George Kennedy!'.
Boring Subplot: Cece is on a date with a guy who has THE WORST British accent I have ever heard. They come to the apartment, and Cece tells Schmidt she loves him so Schmidt can have sex with the girl who finds sad guys hot. I'm not sure if it is meant to be romantic. The date storms off.
Boring Subplot 2: A pretty Chinese girl makes Winston feel better about being shy, and they kiss. Boring, but at least Winston has his own subplot for once. He might even get his own main plot in 2 years at the rate this is going!
Anyway, due to some game I didn't understand, Nick and Jess have to kiss. Schmidt finds this hilarious, and his facial expression reminds me of the Laughing Buddah:
Nick and Jess are locked in a room till they kiss. It lasts for a while. Nick and Jess have a 'moment' of eye contact. This reminds me of the bit in Friends where Phoebe goes, 'Eye contact? I hope you were using protection'. Jess is wearing a strange outfit. I know she had to strip, but she reminded me of a lamp shade.
There is a funny bit where Dr Sam turns up and starts chanting 'Kiss kiss kiss' with everyone else. What a fun guy! I'm sorry you will soon be cheated on. Jess goes, 'just kiss me Miller!'. Nick goes...
'Not like this'.
Woahhhh! He has just accidentally admitted his love for her! Awwwwwwwwwww. He freaks out, can't speak properly, and climbs out the window. It is very amusing. Everyone thinks he is trying to commit suicide and Schmidt faints. I noticed Sam was in the background laughing whilst everyone else was screaming. He just loves life.
Kiss Kiss Kiss!
Schmidt, Nick and Winston have a meeting about his suicide attempt. Schmidt goes, 'are you not getting enough attention?' It's cute, like they are a proper family. Sam and Jess rock up. Sam is still laughing. Life and soul of the party, this one! He goes, 'Man, it was hilarious, you climbed out a window to avoid kissing Jess!' I hadn't thought about it like that, but HOW AWKWARD. Nick says, 'I'm an idiot' as a joke, but he looks so sad. It also made me realise Jake Johnson is a really good actor. Later, Jess and Nick run into each other in the hall. An unnamed lady takes her coat off Nick, because it turns out it was a woman's coat. Jess walks away, and Nick grabs her passionately and they kiss for AGES. Woooo! I find watching long extended kissing scenes awkward, but this one was okay. Nick then dramatically goes, 'I meant like that'. He walks into his bedroom and slams the door. Manly! Jess is in shock. But she is still with Dr Sam! Ahhhh! How did their kiss rate up to other famous kisses?
I think it loses due to the lack of rain / pink lighting, although it does make it more realistic. Anyway, I'm excited to see what happens next week.
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