New Girl S02 E11: Santa (Is Black)

I've decided I need a bit of continuity in my bloggings (is that a word? Meh) so I'll start reviewing certain TV shows each week. Where better to start than with New Girl. I love New Girl. It was a bit blah at first, but all new sitcoms are, and since then it has grown and grown into a fantastic and hilarious show. There is only one thing that really REALLY annoys me about New Girl, and the sad thing is, I don't see it going away any time soon. Why? Because it is the OPENING CREDITS: 

Awful! I get it's meant to be 'quirky', but why is she in a giant mirror photo frame? Why are they holding weird CGI signs? And why is Nick holding a seagull? Why is there a seagull? And the song itself. I'm sure a lot of you like the opening scene, so I can only apologize, it just really 'sets my teeth on edge' (Harry Potter reference). 

This episode was about CHRISTMAS. Nick, Winston, Schmidt and Jess want to spend the last holiday weekend together, so they are going to have a night where they go to all the parties they have all been invited to. Yey! Multiple Party Episode! Did this remind anyone else of the Multiple Party Episode in the average-yet-enjoyable-because-of-Barney-and-Jason-Segel-who-I-love-and-is-adorable-and-is-too-good-for-Lily-and-don't-even-get-me-started-on-Robin-or-Ted-Mosby-and-seriously-who-is-the-mother-because-that's-going-to-be-a-massive-anti-climax How I Met your Mother episode? 

OPENING SCENE

Seen as this is the first recap, let's talk about the cast. 

Jess: Described as 'adorkable' in the promo posters, but that word is so hideous let's ignore it. She's funny, she's ditzy, she is very likeable for an incredibly pretty woman who wears nice clothes. She's played by Zooey Deschanel, who has a hard name to type and say ('Zoo-ey'?), but who I will always like because of the shower scene where she sings in Elf. I also think she should marry Joseph Gordon Levitt.

Nick: He is a law school drop out turned bartender. He is pessimistic and kind of childish sometimes but I love him. Him and Jess are obviously going to hook up but they are dragging it out A LOT. He also sometimes makes a turtle face:

Schmidt: Extremely neat, womanizing, used-to-be-fat Jewish guy. Typing this I've just realised how similar he is to Monica Geller off Friends. She was also very neat and used to be slutty and very fat. Huh. Anyway, Schmidt is very very funny ('Where is my shark skin laptop cover?). And the actor played a young Sandy Cohen on the O.C., so that's always fun.

Winston: Oh Winston. He used to be a basketball player in Latvia, which is the most random place to be a basketball player I have ever heard of. For the rest of my analysis of my thoughts on Winston, see a few lines below. 

Cece: Jess's beautiful model best friend who used to go out with Schmidt. 

Anyway. Everyone (except Cece) is talking about Santa. Nick doesn't believe in Santa, Winston still does (awww). They decide to go to all the parties. One of the parties is described by Schmidt as follows: 'The gorilla twins are having a thump-thump'. Erm, what? I literally can't figure out what that means. The boys are having a fight with cranberries because CHRISTMAS and one gets stuck in Winston's ear.  I have no sympathy, because he threw the first cranberry. Don't start things you can't finish, Winston. 

Oh Winston. I fear Winston is slowly becoming the Nate Archibald of New Girl. Eg. the character who has no real purpose because he has no romantic tie-ins with any of the other main characters, so get's thrown random, mostly boring storylines to give him something to do and make people notice him. 

The annoying thing is, when Winston gets good storylines, he is hilarious. I kind of hope him and Jess get together for a few episodes to bring him back into the focus a little. In this episode, he is physically shouting through the whole thing because of the cranberry. In other words, 'NOTICE ME! NOTICE ME! MAIN CHARACTER OVER HERE!'

Oh, quick recap from the last couple of episodes: Schmidt said he loved Cece again and she turned him down. Nick has an incredibly promiscuous stripper girlfriend who is 'unpredictable and exciting' and who is Olivia Munn who I know is getting really famous recently, but I haven't seen anything else she has been in, and I get her confused with Olivia Wilde, who was that lesbian in the O.C., which ties in neatly to the first party:

PARTY 1: LESBIAN COOKIE PARTY

Lesbian cookie partayyy! I would love to go to a lesbian cookie party. Schmidt is grumpy, because of Cece, but tries to hide it by saying 'pastel walls give me the chills'. Haha. Winston is still shouting.  'WHEN YOU HAVE A CRANBERRY LODGED IN YOUR EAR IT HURTS'. We get it, Winston, you have a cranberry lodged in your ear. What an incredible plot line. Please continue. Nick is still with his incredibly promiscuous girlfriend. The first thing she does to show she is incredibly promiscuous is to decorate a cookie with the word 'SEX'. She will do many more promiscuous things in the episode, because she is promiscuous and she is a stripper (I'm not saying all strippers are promiscuous, but they really stress she is a promiscuous stripper; you will see what I mean, stay with me). Jess runs into Sam, her ex, who was mean when he broke up with her. He looks a bit like Ryan Reynolds, but no where near as hot: 

Jess freaks out and they run away. 

GLASS WINDOW AND REINDEER PARTY

I have no idea whose party this is, so I am basing the above description on the surroundings. We are told by Schmidt to get excited, because 'last year at the party they had acrobats and a caged snow leopard' . Haha, it's lines like this that make me love New Girl. There is a lot of glass and a fancy white reindeer sleigh which Nick and PS (Promiscuous Stripper) nearly have sex in because she is PROMISCUOUS. He freaks out and implies she is a slut. She is like, 'why, because I'm a stripper?' No, because you make gingerbread cookies that say 'SEX' and try to have sex with people in sleighs  at an outdoor, very busy party probably, but that's just a wild guess. 

Slut? Me?

Nick is sometimes unfairly mean to girls but you know what? She does seem a bit of a slut. She storms off. Good.  

Sam (Not Ryan Reynolds) turns up to see Jess to say sorry. She is hurt and angry and runs into some windows and won't take him back and pretends her and Winston are going out. Sam is sad. He says to Winston, 'I would trade places with you in a heartbeat. Except the moustache'. No you wouldn't, Sam. You have had more lines than Winston in this episode, so enjoy them. Winston finds out Jess lied so pretends to break up with her, and says his only funny line of the episode: 'I am not the vehicle you get to ride to pleasure town...say goodbye to paradise, honey'. 

Cece gives Schmidt a present to say sorry and he GIVES IT TO SOME RANDOM GIRL. SCHMIDT! Mean. 

RADIO STRIP PARTY

Third party. There is a cute scene where Nick says to Jess, 'I think you're the kind of girl a guy would come back for'. AWWWW! I can't wait till you get together 2 seasons from now and then break up and then get back together in the series finale!

Schmidt is wearing an outfit that makes him look like a vicar: 

Has he just put this outfit on? I don't remember him looking like a vicar all episode. Maybe it's the angle. Winston is still shouting. He really helps  the plot along in this episode. Let's move on. 

The PS, whose name I just found out is 'Angie', is still angry at Nick. If you are still angry, why did you go to the next party with him you wierdo? Just go home. Nick decides to be 'fearless'. It's moments like this I remember it's an American show, because it has heart warming emotional journeys in, such as getting over your fear to be 'fearless'. I think Taylor Swift actually has an album called 'fearless'. So, it's settled. Nick decides to become Taylor Swift. He does a funny lap dance: 

Next, the Provocative Stripper gives him a lap dance, and it is just a bit too provocative and gets a bit sexual and weird for New Girl, and I think Jess's face sums up how I both looked and felt when I was watching it: 

Schmidt then tries to do a lap dance on Nick and it, like almost everything Schmidt does, is hilarious. 

BLACK SANTA

Jess starts wildly veering her car from side to side because she is 'confused'. Fine, you are confused, but I don't get why that means you have to recklessly veer your car back and forth across three lines of traffic. Please stop, because I like you all and I don't want you getting in a horrific fiery crash. Especially because it's Christmas. There is another heart warming bit where a black cop who looks like Santa: 

Believes her when she says she isn't drunk. Winston: 'To the black North pole'. Jess then decides she believes in Sam. Has Taylor Swift had a song called 'Believe'? If not, I am sure she will soon. They all go to see Sam at the hospital. 

HOSPITAL

PS lifts her top up to let everyone sneak past the hospital desk. PROMISCUOUS ALERT. The 'gang' have to pretend to be carol singers to avoid getting thrown out of the hospital. Schmidt looks funny when he sings: 

Haha. Schmidt, I love everything about you. Anyway, Not Ryan Reynolds gives what I think is an incredibly lame, mumbled 'Jess, when I first met you... this girl...screwed me up....' and Jess is like ROMANTIC KISS. Whatever, this clearly won't last. Maybe she will dump him for Nick. Or Winston. You know who I miss? Russell: 

Schmidt and Cece make up because he kept the present, which is a bracelet. She says 'Happy Christmas', he says 'Happy moon festival'. Ha! Winston is Winston. I'm not sure if he ever got the cranberry out of his ear, and I don't think it matters to anyone in the entire world if he did. But where are Nick and Angie? Oh, they are having sex somewhere in the hospital. Schmidt goes, 'Sexual animals. Shameless'. Know why? Because she is PROMISCUOUS.

Am I the only one who dislikes Promiscuous Angie (Not Olivia Munn the actress, but Promiscuous Angie the character)? 

Best Schmidtisms

• 'Ruining Christmas, very bad for our brand' 
• 'I just want to spend the night making it with some fatty in an elf costume' 
• 'Pastel walls give me the chills' 
• 'He's a player, think about it. Why would a good looking person ever become a doctor?' 
• 'It's Christmas, or as I like to call it, white Anglo Saxon winter privilege night'. 
• To cops: 'There's two of you? Come on, I thought we were in the middle of a budget crisis'. 
• 'I am so fed up of hanging out with Christians. This is my last Christian Christmas'. 

Best Nickisms

• 'Who wants to give me a lift to the airport? Full disclosure, its from San Diego at 3am'. 
• 'Lady, I was born on the wrong side of the tracks. I've had tetanus thrice in my life'.
• 'No, I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing into me'. 
• 'Nick Miller, turning lemonade into lemons since 1981'.
• 'Winston, can you do me a favour home boy? I'm sorry I called you home boy'. 

I think Schmidt wins this round.