DVD Review: The Dark Knight Rises (Into Cinematic History and Also Both Metaphorically and Literally: This Title Works on So Many Levels!)

So, in order to fill in the gaps between my bi-monthly cinema visits, I have decided to review the most recently released DVDs. First up: Christopher Nolan's magnum opus of the Batman franchise, The Dark Knight Rises (2012). It has been met with almost universal acclaim, which is justly warranted, as it's a fantastic film. Therefore, I'm going to abandon my good and bad points and do best and worst SCENES this week. I'm also not going to recap the whole plot, because it's long and complicated and will probably look quite boring written down without the action packed visual kaleidoscope spectacular that accompanies it. I'm only going to do 3 scenes from each category, and these are just my personal favourites, so feel free to disagree. 

BEST SCENES

1) PLANE BANE KIDNAPPING.

Appreciate my rhyming in the title? I thought so. What are English degrees for if not to make life a little more fun, ey? Anyway. This is one of the first scenes of the film, and wow, what an entrance. If the Dark Knight Rises was a person, everyone in the room would be staring at him and thinking 'Homie got some moves'. I was never scared of plane-Bane-kidnappings before, but boy, now I am. The scene starts with a cocky CIA agent picking up some captured terrorists that apparently work with Bane. They all go off in a plane, and the CIA agent starts dangling the terrorists out the open door of the cabin, to scare them into talking. The CIA agent seems like he was the kind of kid who was bullied when he was younger, and now he is in a position of authority is a bit power crazy. He's probably imagining the terrorists are the children who taunted him so mercilessly in his infant years. I was hoping he would fall out the plane, because that would be hilarious. I was also wondering why he was threatening them with both a gun and a fall out a plane. If I was one of the terrorists, I think I would rather be shot than career thousands of feet to my death. And then the incredible happened...BANE VOICED MY THOUGHTS FOR ME!

'He is probably wondering why you would bother to shoot a man and then throw him out of a plane'.

EXACTLY BANE! This is Bane: 

I wonder where he got that coat from. Topman? GAP? I like that he maintains his individual sense of style, even when he is busy being a revolutionary terrorist leader. Anyway. Bane is meant to be 'florid in his speech, with the physicality of a gorilla'. I'm not even going to bother to describe his accent, but it is unusual and also quite scary. Some people mock it, but it's now where near as ridiculous as Batman's growl-mumble. Bane's henchmen come in a GIANT plane, attach ropes to the other plane, and dangle it upside down and pull the wings off it (!!!) Bane kills most of the agents and does a blood transfusion on a scared Russian scientist, all whilst dangling from a plane seat from one arm. The small plane plunges to its death, Bane peacefully floats away in the sky attached to a rope. Smooth. 

2) CAT WOMAN: KITTY GONNA SCRATCH. 

I was a bit sceptical of Anne Hathaway as cat woman, but she is GREAT. Very sexy, very funny.    From what I've gathered, most men's favourite scene is this: 

However, my favourite cat woman moment is when she goes from being a meek, mumbling maid to a seductive, confident cat thief all in the word 'oops'. She beats up a decrepit  bearded Bruce Wayne, who has become some kind of 'ghost of the manner' figure. Haha. He did need beating up, he was massively moping, for NINE years. Get over it, Bruce! You are a billionaire! Go mope in the Caribbean! Whilst watching this, my friend commented, 'Wow, Batman really likes Gotham, doesn't he?' He does really like Gotham. He LOVES Gotham. He is a bit like Gotham's stalker ex boyfriend who won't leave her alone, even when Gotham doesn't want him there. Anyway. Cat woman = 10/10. 

3) THE END

BEST ENDING EVER. The end intercuts between scenes of Joseph Gordon Levitt and Alfred. There is a great contrast because Joseph Gordon Levitt (who is revealed to be ROBIN) is going on a mini-discovery-cave quest, and Alfred remains sat at a pretty little table in Florence. This is a reference to earlier on in the film, where Alfred says he used to dream of being in that cafe in Florence and seeing Bruce Wayne happy with a girl, and 'I would say nothing to you, and you would say nothing to me, but we would both know, you had made it'. Awwwwwwwww. Alfred sees him happy with cat woman, and gets up, and I REALLY HOPE he was going to say hi and not walk away, but sadly I think he probably did just walk away to keep the poetic beauty of the scene intact. 

I like Bruce Wayne's lilac shirt. I can't imagine a shirt more different to the bat suit. Clever. Except if the lilac shirt had flowers of something on it, I guess. 

WORST SCENES

1) ANYTHING WITH MIRANDA TATE / TALIA AL GHUL

Clever twist, but apart from that, boring character, boring villain. Marion Cottilard is a brilliant actress and really made me hate her in Inception, so why did her portrayal of Miranda Tate effect me so little? I didn't like it when they switched the focus and made her the main villain. It was also kind of random when she slept with Batman. Sleeping with the enemy! Bane wouldn't sleep with Batman (ha! Imagine) . Bring back Bane! Bring back Bane!

2) BATMAN'S ICE ESCAPADE

As Commissioner Gordon is attempting to survive the haunting 'death by exile' ice nightmare scenario, Batman nonchalantly appears strolling across the ice. 'Oh hey! Fancy seeing you here!' Yes, fancy seeing you here, Batman. A few questions regarding that. How are you not cracking the ice in that ridiculously heavy bat suit? How did you get on the ice in the first place? How did you get across the heavily guarded bridge? How did you actually get back to America with no money and no passport? 

3) BANE'S DEATH

Anti-climax, or what? I think it would take more than a giant motorbike with a gun been ridden by cat woman to bring down Bane. Actually, reading over that sentence, it is quite a cool death. This scene also includes the infamous WHERE'S THE TRIGGER moment, where Batman's gravelly, odd voice (what is with his voice? and more importantly, why does he keep it on when he's talking to Joseph Gordon Levitt, who knows his real identity? Does the bat suit come with the bat voice? Does he just enjoy doing it???) becomes literally incomprehensible. 

WHERSH DA TRISGHA? WHERSH IS ITSH? Shut up, Batman. 

Don't hate the player, hate the game. These were the only 3 bad scenes / characters I could think of. Overall a brilliant movie, and here is a hilarious Batman mockery to see you on your way: