Bleurgh. I didn't think this episode of New Girl was that good. It opens with Jess being annoying and putting money in an 'annoyance bowl', so yeah, great. Jess has had a break through with a student called 'Edgar', who is a great writer. Cece bumps into Winston's 'pup tent', eg. erection. Nick and Schmidt pull exaggerated, camp gaspy faces:
Jess's face mimics how I felt at this whole scene:
Awkward meh. Because I think it was supposed to be hilarious, and I wasn't feeling it. At first I thought it was because I was in a bad mood, but I just watched it for a second time, and my thoughts were the same. Let's recap.
JESS-MURDER-EDGAR-MAN
Edgar writes a story about a deer with eyes that are 'big, too big'. In the story he wears a 'gimp costume' and he 'stabs and stabs' the deer. The story is dark. Real dark. What is a gimp costume? Nick gets all protective of Jess, and to 'investigate' high jacks her class as 'Julius Pepperwood' (Cool name. No, seriously). He is an 'ex-cop, ex-marine'. Hell yeah! His disguise makes him look like a blind man who likes baseball caps. Nick and Jess stories are nice and cute and all, but come on, break it up. We had one last week. Edgar's reaction at the whole Julius Pepperwood character mimics my own feelings:
Edgar starts drawing violent pictures of deer. Edgar later goes, 'what's happening right now?' You are right, Edgar. What IS happening right now? What on earth is happening in this episode? Why is it all falling apart? Nick has also started calling Jess 'Jessica'. Ooooh, like a boyfriend. I hate that, when everyone calls your friends boyfriend 'Jonny', including his own parents, and the girlfriend is like, 'Jonathan, get me some tea'. Anyway, that's what is happening. I am predicting either Nick or Jess (probably Nick...) realises their romantic feelings for the other one in 4 episodes. But the other one has a great new boyfriend / girlfriend. And it is all sad. And then the other one is about to go away / marry the great new boyfriend / girlfriend, then Nick/Jess will declare their love and all will be well. Although, this show does generally avoid cliches, so I'm sure they will find some new quirky way to do it. Maybe he will write 'I love you' in ribbons and glitter wearing sunglasses, or something.
Nick and Jess go to Edgar's house to investigate. They have a safe word. It is 'dragon slippers'. HA! Love it. Edgar has something in a duffel bag. Jess says Nick was 'right about everything'. There was no tension in this story. It's New Girl, obviously Jess isn't going to get murdered by some deer obsessed guy called Edgar. Nick get's stuck in a window. Edgar thinks Jess is a stalker and runs away. Nick gets hit on the head by Edgar's mum (?). There is a fight with pepper spray. The solution for everything? He is going to kill Jess in 'his graphic novel', not in real life. Dur. Next hilarious (not) part of this storyline, the mum is not his mum but his lover.
POGO (WHAT?)
Okay, so apparently Winston 'pogoed' Cece. That makes sense, because a pogo is a big stick and...yeah. Sexual connotation. But no! It means something else! Anything can be a pogo! Where on earth has the word pogo come from? Is this an American thing? Like 'Marco Polo', which I still don't 100% understand?
So a pogo is something annoying about you that your friends talk about when you aren't in the room. I can see the writers want this to become the new 'laminated list'. It may catch on. I kind of want to know what my pogo is, but also, I really don't. Schmidt wants to know his pogo. He asks if it is because he 'dances like a sea snake'. Classic Schmidtism! Schmidt then thinks it is his caterpillar eyebrows, and shaves half of them off. I got the shock of my life, primarily because Schmidt is supposed to be super vain, so wouldn't do that, and also because I really wasn't expecting it. What is happening! Schmidt is now Marcus, ei 10 year old Nicholas Hoult from About A Boy:
Schmidt's pogo is his 'barnacle toe nails'. Cece asks hers. 'Sorry, this is more of just a loft thing'. HA. Burneeddddd. Apparently Jess's pogo is that she is a 'know it all'. Erm, when? I didn't realise Jess was now Ted Mosby. I'd say Jess, the dream-cloud-glitter-ribbons girl, or, as she is usually type cast, the 'Manic Pixie Dream Girl', is the opposite of a know it all. The writers clearly got bored with picking out pogos and gave up with Jess's.
Nick's pogo: 'We're worried you aren't going to make it. Just in general'. The flatmates crumble up vitamins and sneak him money. Awwww. He makes bacon with fat, butter and salt to SHOW THEM. He writes a novel about 'Julius Pepperwood, Zombie detective'. Next....FIRE!! For 2 seconds! And then it gets put out.
To end this gem...
Winston FARTS WHEN HE IS RUNNING.
On the plus side, Winston had the same amount of screen time as Schmidt this week. Good to see you back homedog. I'm not going to do funny quotes, because there weren't enough.
TO SUMMARIZE
This week we have had
1) Penis jokes.
2) A fake murderer.
3) A fire.
4) An old lady lover.
5) Fart jokes.
6) Shaved eyebrows.
Also, where is Dr Sam??? I'm sure New Girl will be back to its high standards next week, but this episode was disappointingly average to the extreme. I feel my reaction has been very negative, and maybe I am missing something, so if you disagree feel free. This blog is nothing if not supportive of free speech.
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